a text from Griffin during our engagement
I can’t sing the praises of premarital counseling enough… marriage is not to be entered blindly. I knew this though before I got married. All you have to do is look up “the divorce rate in America.” According to the American Psychological Association, it’s still 50%. STILL 50 FREAKING PERCENT. That means that, based off of statistics, half of the couples we photograph this year will, at some point, give in… give up… quit loving… quit serving… whatever “divorce” means to you.
When you sign up for a marathon, do you intend to train? When you’re about to cook a big meal, do you prep by making a grocery list… going to the store & making space in your fridge? When you are about to go on a long road trip… do you prepare your car for the miles ahead by filling up the car… checking the oil? Why wouldn’t you do this prior to starting a lifelong journey with your spouse? I can’t say from experience, but I can only imagine that divorce might be like someone who begins a marathon and suddenly realizes that they didn’t equip themselves and train their body to withstand the endurance requiring race.
I hate to admit this, and I could most certainly be wrong but I often see friends & clients putting all their efforts into planning their wedding. They care so much about the timing of the day, whether or not to go with real or fake flowers, planning their perfect honeymoon… but when I ask them if they’ve looked into premarital counseling, it’s not even a thought that’s crossed their minds. If we only prepare for a single day or the week that follows… that’s like training for the first half mile of the marathon. We fail because we were qualified but not equipped. I believe that many people who get divorce were most likely qualified to be together but were not properly equipped to withstand through the storms of life because they did not prepare for marriage adequately.
According to Psychology Today, a study showed that couples that attend some form of premarital counseling have lower divorce rates than those that do not. In the premarital counseling that we so fortunately received, Griffin & I learned about our roles, why God created us to be together, how to build a love that lasts forever, how to serve one another, how to embody Christ daily to each other & so much more. Of all the wedding preparations that we did, this is what STILL matters to us. The flowers we chose for our special day have died, the invitations we so thoughtfully designed were probably thrown away and if we’re being honest, not one guests remembers the little details that took me quite a while to incorporate into our wedding day. The things we did to prepare for real life together are what still make our friendship and marriage so fierce, so special and so excited for forever together.
Premarital counseling might not be something you have time to do if your wedding day is quickly approaching but consider seeking out marriage counseling to attend during your first few months of marriage. We go to the dentist and schedule appointments to keep our bodies in check but somehow people forget to schedule appointments to examine the health their marriage before and after it begins. If this is something that you need help looking for, please send me an email & I would love to help you find a pastor or individual offering this service!
Along with premarital counseling, there are so many life changing resources that are literally at our fingertips. I’ve made this super simple for you by listing all of my favorite marriage resources. I dare you to purchase one or two of these books and read them with your fiancé or spouse. We love to read together and honestly prior to our wedding day, it kept us from Most of the books I own are marriage books because I am passionate about beating 50%, loving my husband well and living out the vows I said to him on our wedding day! I hope that if you can get your hands on a few of these great reads, God will light that passion in your heart as well!
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