A good friend of mine contacted me & asked us to blog about some of our most challenging moments together & how we have bonded & grown from them. Despite what you see on social media of our relationship over the past six years, it’s not all been so picture perfect. Yes, we do love to take posed professional looking pictures (mostly me… #photographer) but my camera doesn’t capture sin so beautifully. Like in any relationship, there has been brokenness, shame, anger and sadness.
For those of you who are new to the blog or haven’t met us, we met in sixth grade. We went from seat partners in science class, to acquaintances through our mutual friends, to Spanish partners during sophomore year & then the rest is history. I chased after Griffin whenever I had the opportunity. I was crazy about Griffin long before he ever knew I was interested. I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I baked him snacks at home & would bring them to school to try & get his attention. Isn’t food the way to a man’s heart… apparently so. I had already decided at 17 that I wanted to marry him & I wrote it underneath my parent’s kitchen table because well this girl knows a good one when she finds one! I think I would have married him if he asked me to during our senior year of high school… luckily our parents kept us from doing that and saved us from what would have been an unpleasantly surprising level of commitment that we now know comes along with marriage.
Deciding where to go to college for us was not a hard choice to make. Griffin had always dreamed of attending Rose Hulman and I’m a third generation boilermaker so Purdue seemed like a no brainer. The two hours separating us geographically seemed like the perfect distance… a level of separation that would allow us to experience college for all that it’s worth, focus on our academics but would still allow for a healthy relationship to exist. We started college expecting to go weeks without each other but we were optimistic about the opportunity to put our relationship to the test! Now we look back & are so appreciative of what our long distance relationship taught us and how it changed us positively not only as a couple but as individuals. For us, it is clear that the benefits of going to different schools far outweigh the consequences. Griffin was able to play football at Rose & I was able to focus on the rigorous course load that I never even expected prior to college. Had we been together for those four years, I can’t imagine Griffin having been able to develop the friendships he has today. Did I mention that I probably would not have passed any of my classes? Have you seen how cute he is? I digress…
Once we overcame the initial distress of being separated, we began to adjust to seeing each other about once a month. Although we learned so much during our four years apart, there are three major things that I believe our long distance love taught us that I am forever thankful for:
1. Intentional communication
2. Sexual Purity
3. Appreciating each other
In high school it was oh so convenient to pass notes in class, meet up in the hallways during passing periods & hang out after school in the parking lot. Communicating was easy when nothing hindered us from seeing each other on a daily basis. During our first month of college, we would go a week without talking on the phone & we quickly realized how damaging that was on our relationship. It was neither person’s fault, it was simply the result of our unaligned schedules & the conveniences of just texting back & forth. Learning how to nurture our relationship from afar was something we had no option but to figure out from the get-go. I am so glad we did because it prepared us for the level of communication, which we have now found that marriage requires.
As Christians, we believe that physical intimacy beyond kissing, hugging & holding hands belongs within a marriage relationship. We believe God intended for the gift of sex to stay between a husband and wife. Throughout the years of our dating relationship our love for each other grew stronger and stronger. The passion was real folks. I thought we were in love in high school, then I thought we were “super in love” during our first year of college but to my surprise, our connection grew even deeper through each passing year. I will cover this topic more in depth in another blog post but for the time being, just know that for us, it was a blessing to be separated. Now as a wife I thank the Lord that I was not given as many opportunities to be physically intimate with Griffin because we chose to go to different schools. I also thank the Him for incredible friends who watched out for us, kept us out of our rooms and held us accountable.
I’m sure you have heard “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” That was the whole truth for us. A truth that shaped our desire to not only be together but to appreciate any moments of quality time we could squeeze into our crazy schedules. Throughout college, I longed for Griffin like I never thought was possible. I would write the descending “days until the next time I would see Griffin” in my planner & we would sign our love letters with “see you in ___ days!” We quickly learned to cherish those one or two days a month that would be spent together. Waking up next to each other now, after four years of longing, makes it hard to take each other for granted. I love our life together & because of our time apart, I love it that much more.
Now, 6 months into marriage, it sometimes feels like we are starting over from the beginning. The last few months have been full of new changes as we packed up & left our hometowns right after our wedding. We have learned to navigate through the newness of learning to love & serve one another on a daily basis. And like most married couples – we have dealt with the adjustments of family dynamics & holidays being different now that we are one.
For us personally, our hardest obstacle so far in marriage has been with our finances - something that typically strains a marriage. Starting out together in over 150 thousand dollars deep in student debt is crippling. Thankfully, with the wise counsel of others and sacrifice, we are deciding to let only good from it. Griffin has become an incredible budgeter & I am learning to grocery shop for only what’s on sale like nobody’s business. We try not to let it become our priority in life but we have already learned that it’s an all or nothing kind of effort. I believe it’s a privilege to steward money, good or bad & God blesses those who trust Him with what is already His. Although we are still in the process of paying off the loans, we can’t wait to do the Dave Ramsey “debt free scream” in 2021.
It’s easy to see how God uses all of these messy seasons to help us cling to one another for His glory. Looking back on the struggles we have walked through together thus far; I wouldn’t change anything about our story. Each time one or both of us was falling, we had the opportunity to pick back up and start over. Now as a married couple, we often look back on those rough seasons & see how God was there all along growing us towards Himself as individual people, so that He would be the foundation of our marriage when the time came.
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